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12 July 2009 @ 01:15 pm
If you came with a warning label, what would it say?
dont get too close! once she touches you she is bored and onto the next thing
29 June 2009 @ 04:40 pm
Its been a quite day. 
I feel a bit lonley today.
I'm hungry today.
I've lost 1 kilo - yay!

Back to work tomorrow.

mmm I think I'm flat today

Still no anxiety, still calm                       this is good.
Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
29 June 2009 @ 12:09 pm
When you have to study or get work done, what music (if any) do you put on to help you concentrate?
rarely none - I like the silence.
28 June 2009 @ 04:09 pm

I didnt take any seroquel last nite. I know I have tappered of 150mgs in a week - agree perhaps this is too fast but I desperatley want off this drug.

I took phernergan (antihystimene) to sleep last nite.

I feel calm today. I think the lamictal is working.

Went for a 45min walk with a frnd and had tea at a cafe by the water. Its been a nice day. I am feeling tired at the moment and hope I will sleep tonight.

Tomorrow is my last day off work. I have had 5 days off (including wkend) and its been really nice.


Current Mood: calmcalm
27 June 2009 @ 12:00 pm

I have been on 25mgs of Lamictil for a week.
Today is the beginin of week two so I took 50mgs's today.

Last nite to took 50mgs of seroquel (so in a week and a half I've tapered down from 150 to 50mgs) - maybe this is too fast - but I want off seroquel  so desperately.

Just quietly I think the lamictil is working - I feel even in mood - I have no anxiety. fingers crossed things stay this way. Maybe just maybe the lamictil will work for me.

I feel ok about being on Lamictil as the side effects are not permant like seroquel and lamictil does not cause weight gain.

Having an easy day today, watching DVD's with my daughter and potting on line. Might go down the beach late this arvo for a walk and get some dinner down there.


Current Mood: calmcalm
26 June 2009 @ 03:04 pm

The teller machines green text read: No funds available. Stanley’s dirty hands withdrew his ATM card.

His stomach grumbled, he couldn’t remember the last time he ate. He lifted the neck of his shirt to wipe his runny nose. It hadn’t stopped running since his last hit of heroin two days ago.

The sun had gone down and lights in the office of the drug and alcohol rehab centre allowed Stanley to see inside to where Kathryn, a nurse was writing up notes.  He pushed the large sliding glass door open.  The stench of putrid stale sweat that soaked his old grey T-shirt hit her as he entered the office.Read moreCollapse )

26 June 2009 @ 03:00 pm

I’ve been on the dreaded bipolar medication called seroquel which is why my weight ballooned. I’ve been on this medication for about 12mths now. In that time I came off it twice, the last time I was off it for 6 wks and developed anxiety and major insomnia so under medical advice went back on it.

It’s a potent medication that has many side effects. What separates it from others is that the side effects from this medication are permanent. EG: Parkinson like nervous condition, thyroid (yes the sluggish one making you fatter, and diabetes type2 as the medication can leave you with a metabolic syndrome. All of which I have been discussing with GP’s and Psych doc. In short no one listened and no one provided me with any alternative medication so I stuck with it, despite my intuition tell me otherwise.

The side effects of this medication that go away when you stop are;

-          Weight gain (I lost 4 kilo in 6 wks while off it in March – early April of this yr)

-          Slow metabolism (which picks up in time after a period of no seroquel).

-          Hunger goes away (one craves carbs and sugar on this medication – it’s hard to ever feel satisfied – which is a problem)

About 2 weeks ago after researching online (as I do to keep abreast of current trends in the treatment of bipolar) I discovered that a medication called lamictal is being used for people with bipolar. This is an anticonvulsant medication used for to help people control their epilepsy. Many anticonvulsants are used to stabilise mood however they too have a weight gain effect. However Lamictal has no weight gain effect, in fact many who go on lamictal lose weight.

So the GP had never heard of it so looked it up, discovered what I did and put me on it. You have to start on a very low dose and ween up as it has one awful side effect and that is you can develop a rash. If you get a rash it starts small and goes away when you stop taking the lamictal. It’s serious as the rash can be fatal. However it only affects 10% of the ppl who try this drug and research has found if you taper up slowly to a therapeutic level you can avoid the rash issue. So I’m 8 days into taking the lamictal.

When going on the lamictal I asked the GP to do a blood test and a diabetes test. To cut a long story short I was diagnosed with medication induced diabetes type 2, two days ago. And now it’s all panic stations. I have had to go on a diabetic medication and start a taper off seroquel as its causing me to have too high of a blood sugar level.

I’ve had to buy a gulcometer and have to prick my finger several times a day to keep a check on my blood sugar levels.

It’s going to be a turbulent time as I don’t get into a psych for 6 more weeks (and thats with me jumping the queue – that’s an urgent appt as I now have diabetes as a result of a psych drug).

It’s been a huge year the last 12 mths or so. I just hope things don’t come too undone in the next few mths as I go off the seroquel, increase the lamictal, stabilise my blood sugar levels on the metaformin .

Have to always find a positive and that is that maybe this isn’t such a bad thing. Diabetes is manageable and if I lose weight, exercise, control my diet I may be able to be diabetes free in 12 months or so. Also going off the seroquel is going to be tough, but its right, I know it’s not worth the side effects this drug does to my body. All medications have side effects but they can’t outweigh the benefits. Going off seroquel will be give an even chance of losing weight.




24 June 2009 @ 11:48 pm

She shut her eyes; warm water in the tub filled her ears as she sank deeper into the water drowning out the sounds of her sister yelling at the door for her to get out of the bathroom.  Without breathe she listened to the rhythmic sound of the drip drip drip of the tap in an attempt to soothe her soul. When she surface for oxygen the sounds of the house consume her.   

The water cooled and gave her Goosebumps.  She stood and traced a hand gently over the bump in her tummy while the other cupped a tender breast. How her beasts ached as her stomach grew.

Rubbing the mist from the mirror she stared into her blue eyes before dressing in her school uniform.

 “Bella come have some breakfast I’ve cooked eggs” her mother yelled as she raced out of the house.

Lilly Allen on her MP3 player echoed in her ears as she made her way to Aaron’s.

Knocking at the door she yelled “It’s only me Aaron”.

As the door flung open Arron greeted her with a colossal smile “we have the place to ourselves until tomorrow, she is on a business trip”.

“I can’t stay the nite this time” she explained as she stepped inside.Read moreCollapse )

23 June 2009 @ 08:53 pm

My first entry! Ok its 8:53pm, I'm tired. Well I've started this journal blog with limited identifiable details about myself as I wish to write freely. Maybe one day will be brave enough to come out so to speak about having bipolar. I have much to write about this topic, much to share. I was diagnosed just over twelve months ago.

Today I was told by my GP that I have diabetes type two as a result of being on the medication seroquel. I am a bit upset about it. I have only been on seroquel for 12 months. I knew it was a side effect after researching it online. My PD never told me about the side effects of this medication. After discussing my concerns last year about the diabetes side effect and the fact the medication has caused me to gain some weight, that my mother is diabetic type two etc. However my PD insisted I remain on it. I guess those psych prefer you fat than dead. Its seems mood stabilisation at any cost is the go. I did come off it for six weeks and ended up with raging anxiety and the medical professional’s solution was to go back on the seroquel. I will write more about the seroquel journey later on.

Now I have diabetes the medical advice is “oh shit, get her off the seroquel”. So I am tapering off. Was on 150mgs of XR and tonight I’ve taken 100 of the XR. So the tapering journey of the seroquel begins.

I went on Lamictal 6 days ago – 25mgs and have had to switch this to taking it in the morning as it keeps me awake. I have noticed already it has elevated my mood.

So Thursday I am off to the GP to get a script for a diabetic medication called metaforim and this one has a weight loss effect. 

It is anticipated that coming off the seroquel, starting metaforim and being on lamictal will see me lose weight as well as be able to maintain stable mood. I have my fingers and toes crossed.

I am in the process in the middle of all this of trying to get into a new PD. My PD breached my confidentiality and gave my details to the University he is affiliated with for research purposes so I had a fourth year psych student call me a couple of times wanting me to participate in some research on how depression effects cognitive function. My old PD rang me once the fourth yr psych student told him I would not participate as he had not obtained my consent before handing out my personal details. He called me one morning in a 3 hour period six times and left two very long voice mail messages. I took his call the next day and he apologised and pushed pretty hard for m to come back to see him as a patient. He asked me several times what I was going to do. I told him I was making no decisions today.  

I am on a 4 to 6 mths waiting list to get into this new PD, however my GP is trying to get me in sooner and there is some hope I may get into her in 4 wks. Again fingers and toes crossed.

My health has pretty much consumed me of late. I am looking forward to a time when it does not. I am devastated by the weight I have gained and am worried about anxiety returning by going off seroquel. I am feeling optimistic also about going off the ugly seroquel and am hopeful metaforim and lamictil will assist me in losing weight.

I exercise regularly and am increasing the intensity each week. Last week I did five 45min walks. This week I’ve exercised twice. Today I was at the gym, did cardio and weights.

Besides this health stuff, there is so much more to me. I am 33 yrs old, am a single mother to a beautiful 11 year old daughter who will be 12 in September. She is going to high school next year and is very excited about that. She does very well at school, an A B average student. Outside of school she plays soccer and does martial arts.

I have a BA in social Science and have worked in a youth shelter, as a coordinator of a disability support service, a counsellor at a drug and alcohol rehab, front line child protection worker and now work in the area of injury management.

As a hobby I use to teach English to non English speakers at a local community centre, however I moved away from the major city I resided in to return home to a regional town to be near my family.

I write. I love to write. I belong to a writers group and I hope to post some of my work on this blog.

There is sure to be more of me this blog soon


Current Mood: disappointeddisappointed